writing scripts i never finish

I have this horrible habit of going into celtx with beautiful stories, relatable characters, poigiant dialouge and three scenes in I quit.

I have this material in my head that I want to share but I feel like I keep hitting this road block of forwarding a story and creating interesting, intelligent writing. I'm trying to be like Aaron Sorkin or some shit. Who knows.

I keep re visiting the story of my struggle with ocd but it feels like a show that will never have an end. I keep adding more plot and more people who have come into my life that I feel are so essential yet I can't keep dragging it on forever I feel like I need to find an end. Maybe I will hit a dull spot in life, or a new beg. And then I will know.

Like how can I leave out Rogers and Shawn? But as of now they haven't even made it in.

Granted, I only have 14 pages written.

Someone recently asked me to start and the start and fill them in, but its so exhausting and time consuming and I dont even know how much of that is essential to what I am now!

I don't even know.

Well that's where I am on this.

delusion

In 7th grade We were asked to chose what we felt was the most powerful word in history.

How many times this word has applied in my own history, I have lost count.


Especially now, i think about it. About the devastation it causes...

I sit up all night and think about, the sun rises and i'm still thinking. I don't sleep any more

I'm creating the true delusion here.

There is NOTHING.
THATS the delusion.

How many people believe in the something I don't know...how many ways you can interpret a sentence becomes a twisted tunnel onto a path of delusion.




he cares she cares they care they don't care she dosent care he dosent care

It drills into your brain hammers into your head....its the alarm clock without the snooze set for 2 am after 8 sleepless weeks.

Once you hit that button...it dosent matter any more.

There is no button.

it will always matter it will always affect you and there is no way out of this maze...

trust me

i've tried i've looked for hours. i've searched and scanned till my eyes have bled.


the pain will never stop.

with knowledge one knows
they could delude 10.


SKinner, am he Then love if me will i
Am he Skanier me love Hotter if , i will

How much will you give when you accept?
When our vision is hazed there is a spotlight on only what we wish to see.

How many times we will let this happen?

When does the unessicary become un veiled?

How does one rise the curtain on terror?


Starring; the delusion that he loves her.

A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence

There is a dead body in a hospital and the body had cancer.


I still think it was murder.









And the real delusion is, I'm writing this anonymous note instead of telling you all. My confidence is your delusion.

remember me

you wouldn't recognize me.
i have brown hair now.
i have no conscience now.
i have no idea now.
have no purpose now
Failure now.
its much funner when you state the obvious failures.
how far do people need to go to reach satisfaction?
are we ever satisfied? cant you be better then the perfect you already are?

I'm not perfect, nor do i claim to be.
I'm quitefar from it
Although I have stopped trying to grasp that unheard concept
and
mop up that spilled milk.

its much more fun crying.

is this worth it?
will we remember this tomorrow?
Will we leave something here that makes a mark?
or will we just be left contented.

can you find contentedness?
can you feel it?
can you be comfortable not knowing?
Can we just sit around and wonder for 20 minutes beofre we step up and race on to the next twenty moments that are meaningless?

Do you ever think about what you say before you say it?

I don't.
i get into trouble for it.

I trust too easily.
I fall.

I fail.

Sometimesits okay to fail...and suffer the consequences.
its much funner to have your hands fall off

I never thought sleeping was necessary until I forgot how to keep my eyes open.
Do you know how easy it is to forget just to tell yourself you forget once you fall asleep?
to escape from the work from the pain from the alarms from the texts
from him?
from your thoughts that consume the light.
everything need sunlight to live, although I've had far too many days of clouds and rain to be standing up.
I wish i could stop remembering.
i want a blank hard drive.
It's easier just to let go and fall back, but i cant i need to keep walking straight.

I have no one to take my hand and pull me up from this ledge im dangling from.
I iwsh i could put on shades to blind people in this world.

if they cant see me they cant judge me.
I just want to live my life.
cant i just sit down goddammit.
let me sit, give me your chair please, offer me your lap, please.

forgive me, please.
I can't sleep at night without those words.

intoductions

"I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."